Sunday, December 30, 2007

Humor, to a Wingnut

Someone once asked me, "Do wingnuts have a sense of humor?"

"Of course they do," I replied. "They love to laugh. They find physical and emotional pain that comes at someone else's expense to be very funny stuff. They're absolutely nuts for that kind of thing, especially if they can get in a few licks themselves - as a group, of course. And only when they have a distinct numerical advantage, like, oh, about 20 to 1."

I found yet another example of this psychopathic grade school mentality recently at Dull as a Hoe (aka "Fuckwad"). Fuckwad's little essay (if, by "essay," we mean a series of loosely-connected half-thoughts accompanied by a craptacular Photoshop montage) was prompted by a short piece in the New York Times magazine written by Matt Bai, a retrospective called "The Lives They Lived" which featured a profile of pioneer blogger Steve Gilliard.

Fuckwad titled his bit of good-natured flatulence, "Steve Gilliard, 6 months dead, is black in the news..."

You see, in addition to riffing on someone who died at a young age, Fuckwad's title is also funny because Steve Gilliard was born in Harlem. He was African-American. You Black in the news. Get it?

Heh, indeed.

Fuckwad also found much to laugh at in the related comment thread over at the cock-slapper's online wingnut fest, specifically:

Note Fuckwad's thoughtful sensitivity to the potentially dainty sensibilities of his reader - he carefully edited an offensive four-letter word, then added his own little humorous emoticon to lighten things up a bit: a person with an open-mouthed laugh and winking right eye. How gallant. How originale.

Here's the post at cock-slapper's that tickled Fuckwad's bone:

To which a couple of other cock-slappers replied:

Ah, ha ha ha! Quelle riposte!

Thankfully, there's a cock-slapper who's attuned to the real dangers if all of this humor gets taken the wrong way:

Because, you see, it's all just a joke - all in good fun if not exactly in good taste. Nothing to worry about. No harm, no foul.

Yup. "Lighten up. You don't know how to take a joke." The wingnut's ultimate out, the last lazy dodge for folks who are so quick to talk about taking responsibility. Of course, these are the same dipshits who are so eager to talk about endless war, but a bit less enthusiastic about running down to their local recruiter to sign up and actually, you know, join the Army.

The fact is that there isn't a G-list wingnut, or any A- through F-lister for that matter, who was ever fit to pick the peanuts out of Steve Gilliard's shit.

Here's a tribute to Steve Gilliard from the folks who knew him best.

Friday, December 28, 2007

A Passel of Wingnuts

RightwingSParkle (you know, Sparkie - the G-list wingnut who’s full of shit ) posted her Christmas wishes on YouTube, and even offered warm thoughts to her niggers “lefties” (meaning, I think, those people whose opinions differ from hers, but whose comments she still allows through her tightass filter in a display of magnanimity).

Sparkie’s video is standard Ho-Ho-Ho bullshit, right down to the red sweater. But the comment thread is a virtual stocking stuffed with goodies – namely, more G-list wingnuts for me to scorn and ridicule!

People ask (OK, one person asked) how I find these crazy G-list wingnuts and their sorry-ass blogs. I tell ‘em (OK, I told her) that G-list wingnuts are a lot like dog shit – I just step right in ‘em when I’m not looking.

So today I’m shining a spotlight on the newest G-listers, courtesy of Sparkie's Christmas thread. It's teh gift that that keeps on giving. Join me, dear reader, as we bask in the glow of their dreadful prose and menacing delusions.

And to you new G-list wingnuts - be proud. Your mothers were right, you are special.

- - -

The Dude Should Move to Mississippi

Detractors of President Bush have a difficult time admitting it, but indicators show that America continues to prosper under President Bush’s leadership. The Troop reinforcement is working in the Iraqi theater of the War on Terror, unemployment remains very low, the predicted recession has not occurred, inflation remains modest, consumer spending is the best in two years, while naysayers and those predicting doom and gloom continue to be proven wrong.

As the economy continues improving and even the War On Terror results in increased security at home and abroad, Republicans stand a chance of retaking control of the government in the upcoming elections, provided they can show they have learned their lesson on excessive and out of control spending.

Read the whole thing, if you dare.

- - -

Tennessee Jed, a self-described Christian Hoosier who “loves games, computers, cars, and liberty.”

Sex is a wonderful thing and a necessary part of marriage. It is also a profound expression of love, particularly for us guys. How many women complain that their man turns into a zombie afterwards? Ever consider that maybe we do because we've just given so much of ourselves, not just physically, but emotionally as well?

Read the whole thing, if you dare.

- - -

Fat Redneck
(who are apparently at least two fat rednecks, JoBeth and MartinJoe)

The very idea that humans can affect the atmospheric temperature of this enormous, predominantly uninhabited planet, is a preposterous, arrogant conceit, that could only be credible to the left, and is actually simply a cover for the usual liberal goal of ending US economic activity.

Global warming should be spelled s-n-a-k-e-o-i-l.

Read the whole thing, if you dare.

- - -

Some Call it Plagiarism

About me: I am a pro-victory Associate Professor of Political Science teaching in Southern California. I love my country, and I fully support current U.S. military operations around the world. I despise the hard-left radical agenda and discourse. I also abhor irrationalism in argumentation.

to which I suggest he add:

“My posts consist mainly of articles that I’ve copied from assorted newspapers and magazines, then pasted into my blog. Discuss.”

Monday, December 24, 2007

Separated at Birth?

Joker - - - - - - - - - - Joke

The dude on the left is probably familiar to you - Jack Nicholson dressed for his role in Tim Burton's 1989 movie, Batman.

However, you may not recognize the scary character on the right. That's Carol Platt Liebau with her makeup on. No joke.

Ms Liebau isn't really a G-lister, though. She's higher up on the food chain, and rakes in teh wingnut welfare through a variety of scams tied to her interests in those beloved wingnut buzzwords: "Advocating American political and religious liberty, free enterprise, limited government, military strength, and traditional values."

But what Ms Liebau likes talking about most is fucking - or rather, not fucking. Looking at her picture, I can understand why it's a sore (no pun intended) subject with her. It's like the great comedian, whose name I can't remember, once said: "I just can't understand those women who're most worked about abortion. I mean, have you seen any of them? They'll never get pregnant. Who'd want to fuck them?"

Ms Liebau has even written a book, clutching her hankie and taking severe exception to the "sexification" (her word) of American teens - most notably teen girls. Here's what she has to say to a reviewer whose review she didn't quite like:

...if Brinton had looked at the book, she'd know that I address the argument that every generation has been in a "moral panic" about its young people. As Prude notes, the difference is how quickly the sexual landscape has changed for young women. In 1943, for example, the average age of first sex for a girl was 19 -- back when girls married earlier and lived shorter lives. By 1999, that had fallen to 15 -- a very rapid descent in historic terms. Perhaps that's explained by the fact that in 1943, only 12% of girls approved of premarital sex; by 1999, that number had skyrocketed to 1999.

1999!? That's a lot of skyrocketing, sweetie.

Of course, when someone doesn't like you're book, maybe it's just another example of free enterprise at work.

PS - Ms Liebau also moderates comments at her blog, filtering out any that don't meet with her approval. While that's wingnut SOP, I can't quite see how that approach is consistent with anything besides cowardice. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - wingnuts are chickenshits.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

When Wingnut Worlds Collide

I hadn’t stopped by the Incoherent Illiterate’s blog since his little hissy fit, and came across this lamentation when I poked around the other night:

Sorry, Mitt, you were my second choice if Fred didn't win, but at this stage, I'm ready to stay home if its not Fred.
Frankly, I’m surprised he’s old enough to vote. Maybe even a little scared.

But what’s the Illiterate’s problem with the Mormonator – does he fear a surtax on Cheetos and Mountain Dew? Clearasil available only by prescription? Mandatory sex ed on the evils of masturbation?

Close. He’s worried about the Mormonator’s threats to curtail the distribution and sales of violent and sexually explicit video games.

I want to restore values so children are protected from a societal cesspool of filth, pornography, violence, sex, and perversion. I've proposed that we enforce our obscenity laws again and that we get serious against those retailers that sell adult video games that are filled with violence and that we go after those retailers.
Most wingnuts with two brain cells to rub together know that whatever the Mormonator says on any given day will be changed to its polar opposite within 72 hours, but apparently nothing’s as important to the Illiterate as video games – not even junk food, zit cream, or compulsive jerking off.

This is the kind of crap that appeals to spastic suburban housefraus sent into panics by breathless alarmist media telling them their precious little snowflake is gonna get mowed down by the weirdo goth kid at the school. Its complete and utter demagoguery.
When a wingnut invokes demagoguery, they know what they’re talking about, even when they’re only 14 years old, and haven’t quite mastered the intricacies of the apostrophe.

Meanwhile, the Dipshit Extraordinaire recently took the time to reflect upon the righteousness that is Joe Lieberman (I-Lieberman), specifically his endorsement of that worthless cocksucker John McCain:

See, Senator Liberman puts country before party. This is something sorely needed in this day of Islamofascism. Those ready to behead infidels and blow up school buses and shopping malls don't care if you are a Republican or a Democrat. They think you are an infidel and that's all they need to think about you.
So, what’s the wingnut consensus on fear mongering and demagoguery – is it good or bad? Maybe it depends on the situation, like whether it involves brown people with funny hats, or video games based on blowing shit up.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

No Fetus Can Beat Us

Wow. It is simply not possible to make this shit up.

The Dipshit Who Needs to Get a Job tossed up (kind of like vomiting, but without the annoying kaack-gaack sound) one of his classic wingnut posts, this time on the subject of abortion. Like all good wingnuts, The Dipshit has a fetus fetish:

If you utilize the services of an OBGYN who is a member of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, you might want to consider changing physicians.

Hmmm, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), who might they be?
Founded in 1951 in Chicago, Illinois, ACOG today has over 49,000 members and is the nation's leading group of professionals providing health care for women. Now based in Washington, DC, it is a private, voluntary, nonprofit membership organization.

ACOG works primarily in four areas:
- Serving as a strong advocate for quality health care for women.
- Maintaining the highest standards of clinical practice and continuing education for its members.
- Promoting patient education and stimulating patient understanding of and involvement in medical care.
- Increasing awareness among its members and the public of the changing issues facing women's health care.

Well now, if ACOG claims 49,000 members, there's just got to be plenty more obstetricians and gynecologists (Ob/Gyn) out there who don't belong, right?
According to the American Medical Association Masterfile, the most complete source of information about the supply of physicians, there were 31,364 obstetrician-gynecologists in the United States in 1986. The supply of obstetrician-gynecologists is growing, and the future is likely to bring increasing competition for patients. Projections indicate that the population of obstetrician-gynecologists will grow to a total of 40,000 to 44,600 by the year 2000.

Hmmm, it seems that pretty much every practicing Ob/Gyn must be an ACOG member. But that citation includes 20-year old data. Maybe there's some more recent data out there about the number of Ob/Gyns...
Physicians and surgeons held about 567,000 jobs in 2004...Table 1....Percent distribution of physicians by specialty, 2003... Obstetrics & gynecology...5.3%

OK, let's do the math... 567,000 physicians and surgeons times 5.3 percent....carry the two...equals 30,051 Ob/Gyns back in 2003-04.

Well, that's kind of weird. Depending on how I look at it, there are anywhere from 30,000+ to 44,600+ to 49,000+ Ob/Gyn practitioners out there, and it seems likely that a substantial majority (like, maybe, just about all) of them are ACOG members.

And even if my numbers are off by a factor of eleventy-gazillion, it's still a safe bet that there are a fuck of a lot more Ob/Gyns who are ACOG members than aren't.

Which makes sense, since any self-respecting clinician who's gonna hang out a shingle to treat women and their reproductive health is also gonna make sure that he or she has a way to stay current with developments in the field, keep in touch with colleagues, get the latest scoop on upcoming conferences, etc.

So, to get back to the Dipshit...this man, who isn't likely to ever get pregnant, seems to be telling women that maybe they should get their healthcare from - who, exactly?
Clearly, ACOG is advocating abortion; therefore, you might want to find out where your ACOG card-holding physician stands on the issue of abortion and the rights of the unborn. After all, if your physician doesn’t value the life of an unborn child, he might not place much value on your life either.
Get a job, fuckwit, and leave matters of female reproductive health to women and their qualified physicians.

But here's a suggestion for you - my friend Vinnie says he'll do your next prostate exam. He's not a qualified internist, but he runs a garage with four (4!) bays that are full all day long, and he'll even throw in a lube job while he's at it. He also says he'll take a look at your car.

Stupid wingnut fucktard.

Thanks to HTML Mencken @ Sadly,No! for teh cool graphic.

Monday, December 17, 2007

RightwingSParkle is Full of Shit, Part 1

Rightwingsparkle (RWS, or Sparkie, for short) was one of the first G-list wingnuts who caught my attention. This bored Houston housewife with too much time on her hands has been full of shit for as long as I've been reading her blog, though her being full of shit doesn't diminish the MILF-lust rampant in her fan base.

Then again, maybe they're also coprophiles.

Sparkie is full of shit for the usual reasons that all wingnuts are full of shit, but it's gotta be hard to be as relentless about it as she is. There's only so much shit that can be crammed in before the whole package is set to explode, and last Fall I thought Sparkie had reached that point. She pulled the plug on her blog about a month before the 2006 mid-term elections, claiming the need to get some distance from the vitriol of partisan politics (wingnuts are immune to irony), and telling her readers that all she really wanted to do was lose herself in charitable works.

But I guess after solving society's many ills, and with a comfort that can only come from the undeniable evidence that George W. Bush is, in fact, wildly popular and 100% correct about everything he's ever said or done, Sparkie decided it was time to rejoin the G-list, though without the benefit of that remedial English composition course she really should take.

She's the classic authoritarian follower: irretrievably bigoted, violently self-righteous, and completely incapable of the tiniest doubt or even token self-reflection. She's also extremely thin-skinned, and doesn't tolerate comments that include the "s-word" (sodomy? schwanz? scrotum sucking? It's really not clear.); the "f-word" (freak? fricatrix? frenulum? Ditto); or any question about her motives or sanity; and despises the nickname "Sparkie."

Ya gotta hand it to Sparkie, though - while she still can't write her way out of a wet paper bag with two machetes and a carton of pre-sharpened No. 2 pencils, she has mastered Wingnut 101, and uses its basic tactics with an easy fluency other G-listers can only envy.

One of her favorite techniques is the "vague and confusing anecdote as substitute for critical thinking," where some chance encounter is suffused with meaning and held out as clear proof of the propriety of her worldview. In the following example, she combines this approach with an understated "you must be too stupid to see the obvious," along with a very generous dose of hyperbole:

I went to a dinner party last night. All of these people were smart, educated, and interesting...I talked to one gentlemen from the Northeast who explained how he felt our soldiers had died for nothing in Iraq. I didn't get angry. I just explained that many of us feel that they did die for freedom and for turning a page in history where Americans and Muslims no longer fear each other, but understand each other, and on top of that we have rid the world of a brutal dictator and killed thousands upon thousands of al-Queda.

Her entire post is here, if you can take it.

It's important to note that Sparkie has not one but two kids old enough to actively help turn the pages of history, promote freedom and American-Muslim understanding, and kill even thousands upon thousands more of al-Queda/non-understanding Muslims/Democrats. One would imagine that, as a politically-astute mother with a clear appreciation for the threats we face from all sides, Sparkie would take them down to the recruiting office herself.

There's much to learn, as well as scorn and ridicule, from Sparkie's writing, and I hope to do so in greater detail in the weeks and months ahead.

by edward weston

(also where Sparkie finds her inspiration)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Wingnut Pussy Felled by Curse-Words

I was poking around some of my favorite G-list wingnut sites the other night, when I came across this little verbal fart from a wingnut whose name I did not recognize.

So I clicked on over to his shitty-looking site (why do wingnuts lack even the most basic aesthetic sensibilities?). It's standard wingnut bullshit, though the dude does get a few bonus points for shilling a bunch of crappy t-shirts (apparently of his own design - see previous parenthetical comment) , and even features a plush white teddy bear celebrating one of the more recent instances of collective wingnut faux outrage.

I read through his post "CIA Right to Destroy Interrogation Videos." Perhaps he felt particularly well-qualified to speak on this topic, since he claims to be "a conservative who held a high-level security clearance during my days as an Air Force officer." But instead of offering any new insights, he simply regurgitated a CIA press release.

I felt my own need to comment. It was brief ("per blogosphere etiquette," as this wingnut himself helpfully points out), it was the first in the thread, and went something like this (each of my posts is being reproduced from memory. They've been removed from the dude's site):

Bullshit. These tapes were simply destroyed to protect the torturers. Torture is immoral and illegal.
I checked back for a response a little bit later, and saw that my comment had been changed:
Bull----. These tapes were simply destroyed to protect the torturers. Torture is immoral and illegal.
I hate having my stuff edited, and this was beyond absurd. In the context of a convoluted post about torture and obstruction of justice, this dude was offended by a four-letter word?!? Of course, I had to respond further:
Wow. You censored the word bullshit. Sorry to have offended your delicate sensibilities. Have some smelling salts.
I couldn't tell if that post was blocked, or had been routed into some limbo for dangerous comments awaiting moderation. When I returned a short time later, there were no comments at all.

Last time I checked, the thread was still empty.

As are virtually all of mine, I know. But why is it that wingnuts universally fear being challenged, along with any form of open discussion? Why does the word shit strike such fear in people who seem so eager to present themselves as tough guys, and who revel in such morally-depraved subjects as torture and killing?

Wingnuts are nothing but chickenshits. And pussies.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

"Who's THAT fucking clown?"

P.T. Barnum was right - there's a sucker born every minute. Most of them are either wingnuts or fundies, or both, and the surest was to part them from their money is to invoke the name of Jesus or Ronald Reagan.

Fuck, there are probably plenty of fundie wingnuts who think Jesus and Reagan are one and the same. Stupid shits.

Anyway, it looks like a shameless shithead has put together a third-rate Photoshopped image that jams the B-movie actor and stool pigeon's head onto the edge of Mount Rushmore.

Let's hear what that former wingnut hearthrob, shitty quarterback, ultra-chickenhawk*, trickle-down advocate, failed VP candidate, and now afficionado of craptacular "art" - Jack Kemp - has to say about the Reagan Rushmore scam:

"This classy art image could help ignite a successful movement to put Ronald Reagan on Mount Rushmore where he belongs among America's beloved great leaders."
Yeah, right, whatever. You blow-dried man-whore.

* "(Kemp) was injured after two games for the Chargers in 1962...It was during that injury that Kemp received a draft notice for service in the Vietnam War, and received a draft waiver because of a knee problem. The knee healed, and he had a successful career as a professional athlete. " source

madd props to teh sadly

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

This Drug Also Works Well on Wingnuts

I stumbled across this at Dr. Joan Bushwell's Chimpanzee Refuge. It's an ad from a medical journal for the (still used) drug, Thorazine. The ad's copy reads:
Tyrant in the house?

Thorazine can control the agitated, belligerent senile and help the patient to live a composed and useful life.

When Thorazine is administered to the agitated senile, there is a marked decrease in his nerve-racking outbursts of hostility, irritability, abusiveness, incessant talking and "day and night" pacing or restlessness.

On Thorazine therapy, the patient often forms more regular eating and sleeping habits and improves in his personal hygiene. As the patient becomes more tractable and cooperative, he is able to live a composed and useful life.

Thorazine - one of the fundamental drugs in medicine.
I think I might set up a PayPal account to collect donations, to help defray the cost of administering Thorazine to members of the Wingnut G-List. It couldn't hurt, right?

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Ron Paul is a Fucking Nut

I really haven't paid much attention to this guy's "campaign" for the worthless wingnut nomination, though I did get faint whiffs of the whole spambot/stolen credit card fundraising scheme that his supporters recently used to raise $4M.

My brother-in-law sent me an email some months back, asking me what I thought of Ron Paul. I'm not sure why he asked, or what in particular caught his attention and prompted him to ask me in the first place. I sent a simple response: Ron Paul's a crackhead.*

I think it's a pretty straightforward proposition - Ron Paul is a fucking nut. And he's got two first names, which is also pretty fucked up. And I'd heard that his online supporters seem to crawl out of the woodwork whenever the guy's name gets posted. But that's about as far as I ever took it.

Until tonight. That's when I was catching up on some sites that I just don't get to as often as I like. Tom Tomorrow is one of them, and I was glad to come across Greg Saunders' piece there on the latest hair-brained scheme that Paul's wacky supporters have come up with.

Follow the link - there's no way I could elaborate, improve upon, or even relate what it's all about, except to say that I think the money would be better spent teaching quantum mechanics to the chicken Paul's holding.**

* "crackhead" = "fucking nut" in this context.
** yeah, I know that's Frank Perdue, but he sure looks like Ron Paul to me.