Friday, May 30, 2008

Meet Rightwingsparkle's Chief Cobag

"Just working on my own little surge"

Whenever our favorite wingnut needs a respite from the demands of her hectic suburban life, she turns her blog over to a fellow who likes to call himself ‘Big Dog.'

The guy’s name should really be ‘Little Chicken,’ but in any event when Sparkie tells him to jump he promptly snaps to attention, wipes the Cheetoh dust from his lips and the MILF-lust from his eyes, then pastes together a few non-sequitors and some random links, which he then proudly shares with the online world, just as a pet may present its owner with a half-eaten rodent or dried turd.

Both Little Chicken and the pet are obviously eager to please, but in the end a dried turd is still nothing more than a stale piece of shit.

Little Chicken loves to hold forth officiously on military matters, though like all good wingnuts his enthusiasm for killing and maiming others is directly related to the distance he maintains between himself and any actual personal danger.
IMO, the military is stronger because of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. We are achieving success in deployments throughout the world. I recommend Robert Kaplan's Hog Pilots, Blue Water Grunts, which details the extent of American deployments. Our military has never been so widely deployed, so well trained or efficient, nor (sic) as effective. We spend 4.5% of GNP on the military, far less than the historical standard. We should consolidate our strategic success and cement our military prowess by raising it to 5% of GNP.

Yeah, sure, cobag. Whatever.

I’m not personally familiar with Kaplan’s book, though I suspect that Little Chicken keeps a large supply of tissues nearby whenever he reads it.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Rightwingsparkle to troops: "Fuck off and die."

"You volunteered, sucker."

Sparkie loves fetishizing the soldiers and Marines serving in Iraq almost as much as she loves fetishizing fetus meat - she's happy to posture and exploit, as long as it serves her sad purposes as a classic rightwing authoritarian follower.

But when it comes to the kind of support that actually has meaning, well...not so much.

In a recent example of her masturbatory cheerleading for the war in which two of her children are old enough to serve, crossposted at her Houston Chronicle blog, Sparkie responds to a commenter who simply asks, "Why is it that Mr. Bush and Mr. McCain who support the occupation do not support the the the (sic) new GI bill?"

McCain has his version of the GI Bill, which is more reasonable. I think someone should serve more than 3 yrs to get thier (sic) college fully paid for by the taxpayers

In Rightwingsparkle's world, talk is cheap and in plentiful supply, but college is too expensive to hand out to just anybody.

Bonus Bullshit - In that same thread, Rightwingsparkle takes issue with a person who notes that the extraordinary stress on soldiers and Marines deployed in Iraq has led many to suicide. It appears that her empathy is as plentiful as her generosity.
NOw, (sic) about the suicides. My point is that if statistics show that almost the same number of sucides occur in civilians then maybe it is not the military, but part of the overall picture of suicide in America.

Just to be clear. If 12 out of a thousand swim team members get the flu every year and 12 of out of a thousand non swimmers get the flu as well, then it may just be a general population thing and nothing to do with them being swimmers. Got it?

Oh, yeah, sweetie. Got it.
"Mainly it is the long time and multiple deployments away from home, the exposure to really terrifying and horrifying things, the easy availability of loaded weapons, and, of course, it's very, very busy right now," said Col Elspeth Ritchie.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Rightwingsparkle's Bloodlust, Part 1

Rightwingsparkle loves war. Judging by her endless prattle, the torture and death of anybody who doesn't live in her gated community gets her all damp and tingly.

Would it be irresponsible to speculate that she keeps several gun-shaped dildos in her goodie drawer next to the bed? Would it be irresponsible not to?

Sparkie performs her latest autoerotic diddling to the accompaniment of a book by every chickenhawk's favorite cheerleader, Michael Yon. Yon goes to Iraq so they don't have to, and they love him for it.

Sparkie admits that she hasn't "gotten it yet (but I will!)," and her post is just a lazy cut and paste of a lengthy advertisement by Yon's publisher, Richard Vigilante, the same rightwing craphouse that's put out the shit-smeared works of Ann Coulter and Mark 'the Human' Steyn.

But Sparkie insists on calling the ad a "review from his publisher," and since it seems to work, who am I to dissuade her?

As for that ageless question, "War! - huh, good God, y'all - What is it good for?" the answer's quite simple: to help Rightwingsparkle get herself off.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Mikey Nails It (again)

Some night, in a few years, you’re going to be pacing the house, angry, scared, sweating, gripping saddam’s pistol in your hand, knowing the lies were lies and the lives were wasted.


You know these pains, Mr. President. You recognize the haunting guilt, the things you did, the things you could have done, the things you didn’t do. And every crime is so much greater in your case. You never held the line. You never fought to hold a perimeter, you never killed at eyeball range to keep from dying, to keep from losing your friends, to get one more goddam hour when you are nineteen years old and you just know you don’t fucking want to die.

Oh no. You owe the devil so much more. The lives you through (sic) into the grinder, american lives, iraqi lives, american families, iraqi families, widows, orphans, amputees, those that died quick and those that died hard and slow.


There are those who say only you know why. But you and I know the real truth, don’t we. That there is no why. You did it because you could, and you wanted to. You can never offer up a justification because you know that ultimately, there is none. All this blood. All this horror.

The full comment is here.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Rightwingsparkle Gives Mad Jack a Handjob*

Not bad for the first date

Sparkie is gushing at her blog over getting her picture taken with Mad Jack at a Houston fund raiser, but it looks like the guy who dumped his first wife to marry an anorexic, brain damaged, drug addicted heiress is getting ready to gush all over Sparkie.

*OK, OK - this is an obvious Photoshop and, to the best of my knowledge, Senator John McCain did not call Rightwingsparkle a trollop or a cunt and Rightwingsparkle did not give Senator John McCain a handjob. Would it be irresponsible to speculate?

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

That's Why We Call Him MAD Jack

And that's MAD as in totally fucking out of his head crazy.

John Sidney McCain III, son and grandson of admirals, though himself a washout fuck-off disaster as a flyboy, doesn't just have anger management issues - the dude's seriously deranged.

Michael Shaw is the blogosphere's most qualified and astute observer of all things psychological, and here's what he says about the guy who dumped his first wife for the anorexic, brain-damaged, drug-addicted daughter of a wealthy (and now dead) distributor of really shitty beer:
...if you study the other people in the photo, what you encounter are emotional reactions that are more complex and nuanced. If you had to generalize, you could say they combine at least two different attributes, the first being approval and pleasure over what's happening on the field, but second, and clearly the more prevalent, a curiosity, inquisitiveness and/or concern for what continues to unfold in front of them.

What concerns me most about McCain is not just the intensity of his emotions, but also how quickly and consistently they can "take him out of the ball game." What it portends, specifically, is a Commander-in-Chief unable to more dispassionately absorb the details of intense, complex and on-going events.

As a result, I'd feel a whole lot safer with a president more representative of the guy in the Hawaiian -looking shirt, the man in the red shirt, the lady in the turquoise and the white-haired guy to her right.
We've already suffered through almost eight painful years with a mentally diseased individual in the White House. But Mad Jack could make George W. Bush seem normal by comparision.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Old Fuck Vows to Saw Off Own Balls

Who talks tough and wears padded panties because of poor bladder control?

The same man who not only hears voices in his head, but actually listens to them.

Bonus - Sparkie's running the same story, but since the girl has absolutely no insight or sense of humor, I suspect she believes this is legit.

Here's teh real deal about MadJack

Monday, May 5, 2008

Rightwingsparkle is Full of Shit, Parts 5-x

Sparkie's full of shit. I mean she's reeaaallly full of shit. Rightwingsparkle is so chock full of peanut-studded, skatole-scented, chunky brown goo that I can't even keep up using a backhoe.

Just as every day brings a new sunrise, every post and comment by Rightwingsparkle reveals yet more of her absolute, mind-numbing, stupid-v-duplicitous full-of-shitedness. It's impossible to know where to start looking, or when to stop.

I imagine I could construct an entire paragraph, with each word linked to a different example of how full of shit Rightwingsparkle is, and still have plenty of material to draw upon.

Or, I could just link to her freaking blog, and let you wade through her bullshit on your own. Either way, the girl knows how to give.

This morning I decided to apply my favorite method for picking stocks to show, yet again, that Rightwingsparkle est plein de marde - I tossed a dart at the big, fat target of her most recent bon mots and hit Sparkie smack dab in the middle of one of her trademark bed-wetting frenzies:
I could go on and on about the Hitler like (sic) insanity that permeates the interviews with Osama and other radical clerics. From Osama's delight in the blood and guts of "infidels" that he sees on TV, to his determination to obtain the weapons that would destroy us for good.

Do you see how important it is that we elect the person who best understands this fight? If we retreat now, we invite the belief that we are weak and the enemy builds on that to prepare for the next act of destruction and death.

Like all good wingnuts, Sparkie pisses her panties whenever some drug-addicted nutjob like Rush Limbaugh paints a fanciful picture of olive-skinned Muslims swarming the Houston suburbs with long, curved swords, forcing her to spit upon the crucifix she wears around her neck before raping her anus and cutting off her head.

Oh, how she yearns for daddy to save her, daddy being, in this case, that foul-mouthed, philandering, amoral, opportunistic scumbag named John Sidney McCain III.

Here's another example of Sparkie's distorted world view:
Saying Iraq is a failure over and over doesn't make it true and it isn't. Establishing a Democracy in that part of the world is not a failure. Killing thousands of terrorists that would kill us if given any chance is not a failure. Letting generations of Iraqis and other middle easterners see what radical Islam really is and who really is the good guy (us, in case you were wondering) is not a failure. Training forces in Iraq to protect thier (sic) own so we don't have to is not a failure. Showing Iran that we will not cut and run is not a failure.

To summarize the invasion and occupation of Iraq, as it appears in Rightwingsparkleland:

1. It's all been a stunning success
2. Democracy flourishes in Iraq
3. The U.S. has killed thousands (and thousands) of people to prevent them from killing "us"
4. Muslims all over the world now see the light about their false god
5. They love the U.S. - they all absolutely love the U.S.
6. Right now the U.S. is just running a bunch of terrific training schools
7. The U.S. has proven something to Iran
8. The girl needs a spellchecker
9. No, Rightwingsparkle will not let her two oldest kids join the military

In Rightwingsparkleland, every day is Mission Accomplished Day.