Two YouTubes

What better way to tell wingnuts, "Suck it, you useless palinfuckers," than this?

And this?

All hail, Dark Lord Kos! Twice.

Wingnuts en Regalia

click image to embiggen

hanx to Jed Lewison at DailyKos

All Hail! Dark Lord, Kos.

Ted Kennedy, Pissing From Heaven

Ted Kennedy holds his dick with his left hand,
while pissing from heaven.

Right now Ted Kennedy is up in heaven, pissing on Ronald Reagan who is down in hell.

Ronald Reagan is burning in the fires of hell, thirsting for relief from the flames that never stop. So is Tony Snow, and Robert Novak, and Tim Russert, and Jesse Helms, and Jack Kemp, and William F. Buckley, Jr.

And Ted Kennedy is pissing on all of them.

Ted Kennedy will piss on George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and, yes, even on Sarah Palin when they all end up in hell for their evil deeds and blackened souls.

Ted Kennedy and Paul Newman and George Carlin, always in heaven. Those other scum will always be in hell, and they'll never get out.

Ah, ha ha ha ha!

Update:



I'm glad somebody uploaded the C-Span feed, and not the feed from NECN or some other outlet where the newsreaders feel obligated to endless chatter their nonsense.

Collected 'em All!

click to embiggen

Thanx (and good luck) to Tom Tomorrow

Fuck 'em All

An' yer mums. An' th' 'orses' arses ye rode in on.
Fuckin' wankers.

I've got some other more important stuff to do, including a couple other blogs to maintain, to be spending much more time following various wingnut follies.

As magic flying Jesus liked to say, "There will be wingnuts always," so this changing of my gears will have about as much overall effect as my not doing so.

I reserve the right to be back, either eventually or from time to time. I'll also still keep following the list of daily reads to the right.

Until then, to all wingnuts everywhere, "Eat shit and die, Palinfuckers."

Thanx

Sarah Palin is Fucking Nuts

That's the only explanation. Or maybe she stands an excellent chance of going to jail for any one of a number of reasons.

Either way, the only member of the family that seems to have it together is that cute little retarded baby.

Update: Bailin' Palin's not just fucking nuts, she's a typical fucking repub greedhead. This looks like nothing more than simple cashing-in on a book deal, speaking gigs, etc. while the getting's good.

Super double-bonus update:

Hanx to Michael at the Bag

Dana Milbank is a Worthless Sack of Shit

I'm just piling on.

Hanx to TBogg, Fightin' Digby, and many others.

Bonus Update

Society doesn’t need newspapers. What we need is journalism. For a century, the imperatives to strengthen journalism and to strengthen newspapers have been so tightly wound as to be indistinguishable. That’s been a fine accident to have, but when that accident stops, as it is stopping before our eyes, we’re going to need lots of other ways to strengthen journalism instead.

So sez Clay Shirky

Hanx to Readers' Digest for Lefties

Gay Bashing Makes Him Hard

Excessive jerking-off results in squinty eyes and buck teeth.

My G-list wingnut blogroll is extensive, but I really only check a few sites. To tell ya the truth, that blogroll could be a fuck of a lot longer. I could spend hours every day adding to it, and hours more poring over the hateful stupid out there on every site.

But the whole thing gets redundant. I don't have to bitten by thousands of mosquitos to get the sense that there's a swamp out back.

I have made a point, though, of visiting Bugg's Bunny's Evil Twin, a flabby self-proclaimed evangelical christianist, on a regular basis. There's no special reason - he's a predictable Rush Limbaugh fan who often has trouble with basic English grammar.

Still, I get a chuckle out of the guy, and have tried to use his harmless drivel as a way to remind myself that even the wingnutiest of wingnuts are, after all is said and done, members of the same species as I am - though obviously with a bit less functioning pre-frontal cortex.

Now it looks like ol' Mark J. Goluskin recently got his jollies from reading the account of an assault:

(Black Eyed Peas) band member will.i.am apparently referred to Mario as a faggot. Then more verbal jabbing and POW! Right across the face of Mario!

(snip)

Well, this alleged incident could not have happened to a better guy!

Bonus:

I left a comment with Mark, who let it through moderation without a response of his own. But one of his fans (this guy) schooled me:

Rightwingsnarkle -- Just shut up and go away, you whiny baby.

Clearly, these folks believe the world would be a better place if we just beat up more faggots and harassed more niggers.

Killing Muslims would be nice, too, I guess.

Bonus Update!

Welp, ol' Mark has taken me to task after all, and concludes:

...I put my REAL photo on my blog. Unless you are but an old, fat man that can not get off his knees!

Ouch. That really hurts, though you can see my hands.

Fuck Wingnuts

Really. Fuck 'em in the ear.

All hail, Dark Lord Kos.

Handjobs for Jobs

Our favorite Houston housewife with too much time on her hands got some whiffs of wonderful wingnut welfare not long ago, and promptly decided to get some o' that sweet, sweet money for her spawn. Ol' Sparkie was recently out pimping her daughter all over the District of Columbia, and it looks like the talking cadavers at Fox "news" were happy to see some fresh meat walk through the door.

As everybody knows, Roger Ailes and his wingnut talking heads really only want three things in life: tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit.

Making Wingnuts Lose Their Shit

The elder Ms Sotomayor (pronounced so-to-ma-YOR') really seems to dig the idea of wingnuts losing their shit. I agree. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em in the ear.

Hanks to the Bag and TBogg

No Tax Cuts in Hell

"No, really. They'll trickle down."

So, the guy who didn't go to Vietnam because of his bad knees, and who subsequently played quarterback for the Buffalo Bills, has moved on to warmer climes.

Once Robert Novak makes it down, Kemp, Jesse Helms, and Tony Snow will have a foursome.

Bonus - The Meat Puppets explain...

Double Bonus - Sparkie gets all wet, though not from tears.

Who Replaces Souter?

This guy.

Because payback's a bitch.

Hanx to Tristero for first coming up with the idea.

Rightwingsparkle's Personal Torture

"It's kind of like watering your houseplants."

Yeah, I know that talking about torture is so last week, since today every wingnut's got their panties in a bunch over Arlen Specter's pseudo-defection. But I've actually been working at a job that pays me money, so I'm a little behind on my unpaid scorning and ridiculing.

What're you gonna do - torture me? I've got some catching up to do, so let's get to it.

Anywhoozle, among Rightwingsparkle's many recent gems (if by 'gems' we mean the little peanut chunks and tomato skins seen floating on the toilet's surface after a good blast of diarrhea) is this, which I guess counts, for her, as some sort of moral quandry:

Bush had a choice. Prevent more dead Americans or skate the line of torture. You are telling me you wouldn't have done the same?

Was it wrong? Was it unconstitutional? We can argue that point. We can say it was or wasn't and move on. But you cannot prosecute people for doing what they thought was right at the time.

I can't recall ever seeing one of her little ditties generate as many comments as this. There's simply too much crazy in that thread for me to even begin sorting through and highlighting, but this one, by a very confused young man, sums up the crazy wingnut view perfectly:

Why should we not do it anymore? It obviously works.
KevinQC | Homepage | 04.22.09 - 5:04 pm |

Bonus: In 1983, the Justice Department under Ronald Reagan, Patron Saint of Deluded Wingnuts, successfully prosecuted a Texas sheriff and his deputies, for torturing prisoners with water.

(two witnesses testified that they) saw the former San Jacinto County Sheriff, James Parker, direct his deputies to coerce confessions from two burglary suspects by draping a towel over each man's face and pouring water over it until the men gagged.

Mr. Parker, 47, and his former deputies, Carl Lee, 63, Floyd Allen Baker, 40, and John Glover, 65, are accused in Federal court of violating the civil rights of at least six prisoners.

Federal prosecutors secured a 10-year sentence against the sheriff and four years in prison for the deputies. link another link

Hanks to MinistryofTruth at The Great Orange Satan. All hail, Dark Lord Kos!

I've Got Your Tea Party Right Here

Aren't they adorable?!?

Wingnuts Killing Cops

When the leader of the republican party says "shoot," you shoot.

The wingnuts were strangely silent about the Pittsburgh cop-killer.

I gave it a few days, then wandered over to the usual suspects. It didn't take long to come across this bit of idiocy. Here's what Buggs Bunny's Evil Twin has to say about the person he believes was the cop-killer's main influence:

He is so far out that he falls into that rare but true category. Of being so far out that he is in bed with those on the far out left. They are but two peas in a pod.

So, instead of considering the notion that wingnuts can be influenced and provoked by daily spew of folks like Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, O'Reilley, and others, our clueless friend simply twists himself into a pretzel and points his finger in the opposite direction.

Dude. You wanna know who the cop killers are? Listen to the garbage on talk radio and cable TV. Turn a critical eye to the wingnut sites you read every day.

Bonus



All hail, Dark Lord Kos!

Double Bonus

Hey, you're a normal guy, right? And you have FOX News on your cable, right? You might not watch it, but it's not like you went out and subscribed specially to this nutty, fringe channel, right? So it must be "normal" stuff on there. Because it's just regular, basic cable. They all wear suits and sit at desks. So it's not nutter stuff. If it was, they'd be wearing camouflage or something, right? And if it was really weird, a normal guy like you wouldn't have it on their basic cable, right? They have... rules about stuff like that. Somewhere. Don't they? They wouldn't just put crazy-ass bullshit on regular basic cable, right? Where kids and nutbars could see it?

All hail, David Waldman, minion of our Dark Lord, Kos.

Great News for John McCain

Terri Nenendorf, right and LaDonna Kyle both of Des Moines, partners, kiss outside the Judicial Building on Friday morning after the announcement of the Iowa Supreme Court decision on same sex marriages.

The Iowa Supreme Court this morning unanimously upheld gays’ right to marry.“The Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution,” the justices said in a summary of their decision.The court rules that gay marriage would be legal in three weeks, starting April 24.

Here

George W. Bush Miserable Death Watch – Day 65

Breaking - George W. Bush not yet reported dead.

I first predicted that this worthless sack of shit would kill himself with alcohol, then revised it slightly to predict a number of alcohol-related ways he’d die.

I’m standing by my prognostications, and am now going on record with specifics:

• George W. Bush will be dead within five (5) years of leaving office
• His death will be self-inflicted and alcohol-related

For the purposes of calculation, the George W. Bush Miserable Death Watch start date was January 20, 2009. The “deadline” for my prediction is January 19, 2014. I’ve calculated 1826 total days in that interim, based on (5 x 365 days) + 1 additional day for 2012 (Leap Year). That makes today Day #65. Please synchronize your calendars…NOW.

There’s a pretty broad range of alcohol-related causes of death in the catalog. I’m also hedging slightly with regard to how George W. Bush’s death will be by his own hand, and while a straight-ahead suicide is not out of the question, it’s more likely that George W. Bush will simply let himself go to shit, stay drunk most of the time, and end up dying miserably in such a way that both the booze and his personal responsibility are obvious to all.

I hope to interview a pathologist at some point, in order to share with you the professional consensus opinion on exactly what findings would be needed at autopsy to make these determinations.

There may also be an old episode of Law and Order out there that could shed some light on the matter. If you find the appropriate scene on YouTube, please send me the link. I’ll embed it and give you full credit. Instant fame.

Until then, here’s the start of a working list of the possible forms that FratBoy’s final exit could take. Please add any that I’ve missed in the comments section, and I’ll be sure to update the list as we move forward.

Acute alcohol poisoning

Alcohol-related traffic/motor vehicle death

• DWI
• Being struck by another drunk driver who made the first move
• Being struck as a drunk pedestrian by a sober driver after staggering into traffic
• Being struck by a sober driver while standing in the middle of the road, in the middle of the night, drunk and naked
• Being struck by a sober driver after running out into the middle of the road, naked and drunk, in the middle of the night
• Smacking his three-wheel off-road mud runner into a tree while not wearing a helmet, drunk
• Driving his three-wheel off-road mud runner into a strand of neck-high barbed wire at high speed while wearing a helmet not designed for neck protection, drunk

Alcohol-related accident in the home

• Drowning in the bathtub, drunk
• Drowning in the shower while standing asleep, drunk, mouth wide open
• Falling down a flight of stairs, drunk
• Falling down from a standing position, drunk
• Falling off a chair or other piece of furniture, drunk
• Falling off a ladder, drunk
• Falling out of a window or off the roof, drunk
• Falling in the shower or bathtub, drunk
• Sitting in the bathtub and attempting to change stations on the radio always kept perched on the edge for company, drunk

Alcohol-related accident out of the home

• Falling out of a window or off of the roof, front porch, back porch or pool deck of a cheap motel in Waco, drunk
• Falling off a barstool, drunk
  

Alcohol-related assault

• Getting cracked on the head with a pool cue after starting a fight with a biker in a bar, drunk
• Getting cracked on the head with a heavy vase in his parents’ living room after pushing Barbara one time too many, drunk
• Falling down the stairs at home, drunk, after being pushed by Laura
  

Other

• Choking on his own vomit
• Liver failure due to alcoholic cirrhosis
• Acute pancreatitis

It's What Wingnuts Do

They only throw it when they're not eating it

So, I'm poking through the g-list wingnut sites (even added a coupla new ones to my blogroll) when I come across this little doozy from one of my favorites:

Sen. Judd Gregg gave a scary-yet-accurate picture of what America’s fiscal outlook will look like blah blah blah scary black negro president blah blah blah socialist teleprompters fart (snip) Folks, this is from the guy Obama first nominated to be our Treasury Secretary.

Uhm....that's not quite right, sweetie.

But, c'mon, seriously - Treasury, Commerce...who cares? It's still all about money and shit, right?

Meanwhile, the usual half-wits have been too busy with such run-on sentences insightful comments as "This is what happens when you have hippies from the 60’s, who become economic advisors, and druggies form the 70’s, both who never learned how good morals and ethics in a society and the importance of the economic wheels creat a profitable opportunity for people and businesses to grow, running your country." to notice call attention to such a basic factual error.

I think Sparkie's lil' buddy, Dewey, said it best: Smartest thing he's EVER did was to turn that job down.

Hanx to LOLFed for teh awesome graphic

Just Because

Rightwingsparkle: Runnin' With the Big Dogs

Rightwingsparkle observes the first Friday of Lent

with a Dirty Sanchez and a Dirty Martini

Well, it looks like our little lady might just be earning herself a sinecure on the wingnut welfare gravy train, having just returned from this year's howlfest. I mean, how else to explain a junket whose costs include rountrip airfare from Houston to Washington, DC; several nights at the Omni Shoreham Hotel; and all the mini-quiches and gin that you can stuff down your throat in 48 hours?

Sparkie's either collecting subsidies for her shitty little blog, picking up some extra on the side, or has an allowance any other pampered housewife with too much time on her hands might kill for.

Dirty Fucking Hippie YouTube Monday

Word to wingnuts - "You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal."

Now THAT'S Funny

"Every joke has an underlying grievance."
Marshall MacLuhan

Hanx to Gavin at Sadly, No!

Update: Johnny Pez in the comments asks for spinning in the skull. Courtesy Mo's Bike Shop at Sadly, No!

When Wingnuts Kill

It looks like the only difference between convicted wingnut terrorist James Adkisson (bottom) and confirmed wingnut lunatic Lew Waters (top) is a fresh shave and a touch of Brylcreem.

I certainly can’t tell them apart by perusing their respective rants. I think they might’ve spent the last few years cribbing from each others’ material.

So, here’s a quick quiz – which of the following was furiously scribbled by a gun-toting nutjob shortly before he burst into a Knoxville church and killed two innocent people, before being subdued by several unarmed heroes; and which was pecked on a keyboard with one hand by a lonely white man with a fetish for Barbie dolls dressed like Ann Coulter, living in the Pacific Northwest?

Exhibit A

…It is very possible that the prime intent is actually more Socialist dependency on the government as to make up for the increased tax payments, those other areas mentioned above that will suffer can be made up by other Socialist programs, all the help the children, mind you.

This is a vicious circle with no end in sight now that the Dictatorial Democrats hold all the cards and can shove whatever Soviet style program down our throats they wish. It didn’t work in Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia, Communist China, Cuba or Viet Nam and it is doubtful it will work in the Union of Socialist States of America either.

Don’t be fooled by sneaker wearing little mousy Senators as their hearts bleed all over on how they need to help out the less privileged. The real goal is take from the citizens and to give out what government says you should receive, as dictated by aging holdover hippies and their minions.

This is NOT American liberty as envisioned by our founding fathers, but is rather the vision of Karl Marx, the father of modern Communism.

Exhibit B

…I hate the damn left-wing liberals. There is a vast left-wing conspiracy in this country & these liberals are working together to attack every decent & honorable institution in the nation, trying to turn this country into a communist state. Shame on them....

…I couldn't get to the generals & high ranking officers of the Marxist movement so I went after the foot soldiers, the chickenshit liberals that vote in these traitorous people. Someone had to get the ball rolling. I volunteered. I hope others do the same. It's the only way we can rid America of this cancerous pestilence."

…Liberals are a pest like termites. Millions of them Each little bite contributes to the downfall of this great nation.

Take your time. (Theme music from TV game show Jeopardy plays…)

OK, finished? Great. Here’s the answer:

Exhibit A is from here. Exhibit B is from here.

The big question now: What’s keeping crazy old Lew from following in the footsteps of his evil twin?

And people still ask me why I think wingnuts should be scorned and ridiculed.

Hanx to the amazing David Neiwert, who writes extensively, and with great authority, on the subject of wingnut hate and criminal acts.

Step Right Up, Win a Prize

Load sixteen tons, here's what ya get

Welp, it's been quite a while since I've featured a post with the muse who inspired me to scorn and ridicule the wacky world of the g-list wingnut, but her latest delusion was simply too hard to resist.

You don't have to be fat, stupid, or crazy to be a "raging elephant," but it obviously doesn't hurt - especially if you happen to be all three.

Let's Use Wingnuts as Liferafts

Ya know, we're not any geniuses in economics or finances... We're representatives of people. We ought to take our time, but let the people know this is a very difficult struggle.

Somebody threw us into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean without a life raft and we're trying to determine what's the closest shore and whether there's any chance in the world to swim that far. We. Don't. Know.

Congressman Paul Kanjorski (D) (PA-11)

See, here's the thing - since the latest instruction to the wingnutosphere is for them to repeat the question, "Economic crisis? What crisis?" I thought it would be helpful to listen to what the Chairman of the Capital Markets Subcommittee of the House Committee on Financial Services recently had to say about our current economic and financial situation.



Since wingnuts are full of shit, and because shit floats, it stands to reason that wingnuts make good liferafts. So, climb on board and let's start paddling.

Hanx to TMFSinchiruna at Motley Fool and Magnifico at the Great Orange Satan (All hail, Dark Lord Kos!)

Super Bonus - Meteor Blades, as usual, cuts right to the chase:

The last thing Republicans want to see is for the stimulus package to succeed. They want to slam the door hard on even the possibility that the gentle shift in outlook and policy generated by our current economic crisis could be the start of something more comprehensive and truly transformative. When they vote on the stimulus package, both today and after the conference committee does its work, many will be crossing their fingers in the fervid hope that it will fail, a disaster for most Americans, but, as they see things, a chance of redemption for the right-wing rule that has plagued us for so very long.

Triple Super Bonus - Wanna see what the stimulus bill actually looks like in its current form, going in to the House/Senate Conference Committee? I know you wingnuts wont even bother, since it's long and full of big words. But, hey, don't say you never had the chance to learn more on what the fuck you're even talking about. (Hanx to KagroX at Congress Matters)

Shitlickers.

Wingnuts Are Irrelevant

Sucks cigars while listeners suck his dick.

I've recently been engaged in an exchange with Buggs Bunny's Evil Twin over at his own shitty little blog regarding the current economic meltdown. When I say "exchange," I guess I'm really referring to competing comment posts that talk past each other.

That's no surprise, since wingnuts are incapable of engagement. And, as it turns out, this particular wingnut has dropped all pretense and has come out of the closet as an unabashed Rush Limbaugh fan.

Whoulda thought that a self-described evangelical christianist would be so eager to do the bidding of a drug-addicted sex tourist making almost $40M/year? There's much about the mind of your garden-variety rightwing authoritarian follower that seems puzzling, even self-contradicting, at first glance, but which is easily understood in the context of the follower's overriding need to simply be told exactly how to think and act.

Limbaugh's latest instructions to his fleet of flying monkeys appear to emphasize countering the notion that there's any kind of economic meltdown actually going on, and that the Obama Administration's proposals are nothing more than fear-mongering.

Reality bites.


Fortunately, as has become increasing clear to all but the wingnut lunatic fringe, their views are irrelevant.

Bonus: Buggs Bunny's Evil Twin fears we will become a nation of transexual socialists because of Barack Obama.

if socialized medicine becomes an eventuality under President Obama, will the American taxpayer be forced to pay for such cosmetic (sic) operations?

Of course they would.

Along with abortions and other medical procedures that are no more than cosmetic procedures.
"Kim" Petras is setting a dangerous trend by lowering the bar, and the age, that one can decide that they want to go from boy to girl-or the other way around.

Hanx to Brad at Sadly, No! and Plutonium Page at the Great Orange Satan.

All hail, Dark Lord Kos!

Bonus Double-Hanx to Jon Swift for the much better pic of that fat fuck.

God Hates Kurt Warner

Former grocery clerk Kurt Warner unclear on the concept
of the proper stance for the forward pass

For somebody who likes to publicly speculate on how his teammates and family members will end up in hell, the dude had to face his own inevitable fate, eh?

Bonus - more Warner religibabble.

Hanx to Dan @ unreasonablefaith

Barack Obama Cannot Save Us

Rather, we are going to have to save Barack Obama.

I first heard that comment last summer in Austin, and read it again last week in the New Yorker magazine. It was spoken by Van Jones, founding president of Green For All and a senior fellow with the Center for American Progress.

The statement is as true as it gets, because we liberals and progressives are the exact opposite of the folks Robert Altemeyer calls "authoritarian followers."

You know. Wingnuts.

Wingnuts need someone to tell them what to do and think. Wingnuts are desperately anxious for someone to save them. And when that someone doesn't pan out, they throw him overboard and go looking for the next big thing that they believe will save them.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Stupid wingnuts. They just never learn. They don't believe wingnuttery can fail, only that it can be failed.

Anywhoozle, the time has come to start saving President Barack Hussein Obama, motherfuckers.

Oh, yeah.

Hanx to HeidiEight at the Great Orange Satan. All hail, Dark Lord Kos.

Good Fucking Riddance

Other folks have written at greater length, and more eloquently, about what it will mean to be rid of this worthless pissant.

For my part, I plan to shuffle the sack of shit off to a less prominent spot on my blog after Barack Obama takes office tomorrow.

Hanx to Big Al at the Great Orange Satan. All hail, Dark Lord Kos.

Dirty Fucking Hippie YouTube Monday (Tuesday)

Jeez, no wonder they stopped touring.

My oldest sister wore through several copies of this song on '45, and while she made my parents crazy, I thought it was kind of interesting, in my 9-year old mind.

The genie was out of the bottle, and turning back was not an option.

I have no regrets. Rock on.