Sunday, August 31, 2008

Mandatory Sarah Palin Post

Who? Me?? Crazy?!?
Fuck no, I'm not crazy!
Why? Do I look crazy?

OK, so I got the word that everybody who runs a shitty little blog that is even remotely associated with U.S. political and current events absolutely must post commentary on McP.O.W.'s insane pick for a running mate, so this is mine.

Sorry, but I gotta do it. Otherwise, I could lose my license.

Who the fuck knows what this is all about? I haven't read anything on the wingnut blogs that makes any sense, though that's no surprise.

But after giving the matter much thought, while sitting out on the patio with several of my patented Honolulu Hickies (fill a large glass with 151-proof rum mixed with fresh-squeezed lime juice, crushed ice, and a splash of grenadine), I've come up with these possible explanations:

1. This was Mad Jack's personal decision. As such, it demonstrates his complete inability to think things through and consider the consequences of his actions. It's the sign of an impulsive and irritable mind, the kind that leads a person to crash 4 planes and get a fifth one knocked out from under him.

It shows how the asshole still follows the lead of his 72-year old, Cialis-dependent and opportunistic dick, just as he did at a younger age by engaging in serial adultery and taking out a marriage license for a wealthy trophy bride before his divorce from the woman who stood by him, even after suffering serious injuries in a near-fatal car crash, was final.

In short, this pick shows McCain being the dangerous and thoughtless prick that he's always been. This video showing him staring at her ass while fiddling with his wedding ring underscores the point.

Hanks to JedReport

2. This was not Mad Jack's personal decision, but rather a decision forced upon him by one or more political advisors. As such it demonstrates his complete lack of control over his own campaign, as well as his total willingness to do whatever somebody else tells him is needed to win, no matter how fucked up that advice actually is, or would appear to your average fifth-grader.

I don't believe for a minute that there's any political upside for the campaign. None. Nada. Zilch.

To those who argue that it was a brilliant move to drown out Obama's successful Denver convention, I'll just point out that the record-setting thirty-eight million people who saw Obama's speech pretty much represents the entire universe of people who actually gives a shit about this stuff. No loss there.

It was more likely a huge blessing that we were spared the endless bloviations of the talking heads and other hangers-on in the traditional corporate media who would have been all too eager to give us their sorry spin on what we actually saw ourselves.

A ploy for women who supported Hillary? Puh-leeze. As Tbogg aptly put it, a PUMA has the body of a middle-aged woman and the head of an idiot. There are about 6 of them. Three were never going to vote for Obama no matter what, two aren't even registered, and the sixth doesn't own a car or have access to public transportation.

If Mad Jack got this decision handed to him by the people who are sucking up big wads of campaign cash in return for such 'advice,' all I can say is, "Dude, pay me half, no, wait, fuck it, one quarter of what you're paying any one of these fuckwads, and I guarantee I'll give you better guidance than they ever have, or ever will. And I don't agree with a fucking thing you stand for, and I've never run a campaign at this level before, but I swear to fucking christ it's not gonna be anything like the sorry bullshit they've been selling you."

I mean, seriously, this has to be the most ridiculous, half-assed campaign I've ever seen since Sam Yorty folded his tent and finally got those rabies shots he needed back in 1972.

It's like they're not even trying. Which leads me to...

3. Mad Jack and friends have jumped the shark, and they know it. This makes a lot of sense to me, and I'm usually not much on grand conspiracy theories.

But think about it - the Cheney administration has made such a hellfire mess of absolutely everything, from our economy to our infrastructure to our role in world affairs that nobody could even remotely hope to begin setting things straight in a generation, let alone a four-year presidential term that actually works out to about 18 months before re-election campaigns kick into gear again.

Why not just throw this race (with or without Mad Jack's agreement) and sit back for a few years? Let the Dems take the heat for the coming shit with control of the White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives. Then ride in gloriously sometime around 2011, led by shiny new "agents of change," maybe even including a resume-enhanced Miss Alaska.

It's like a successful crook who decides to lay low for a short period, not pressing his luck, enjoying the fruits of his labors, and giving the rubes enough time to let their guard down before hitting them again for even more.

Then again, this could just be yet another part of an overall fuck-up of epic proportions started on January 20, 2001 and that'll toss the republican party out to the fringes, where it properly belongs, for the next 100 years.

Anywhoozle, whatever the reason, or the result, it sure has been fun checking in on what some of my favorite g-list wingnuts have had to say about the dirty-minded old fuck and his ditzy new girlfriend.

Sparkie gushes in the way that only she can:
Palin has injected into this candidacy an excitement and glee that I haven't seen since Reagan ran for President.

One of Sparkie's most deluded commenters offered this insightful nugget:
I think that for many people, they want to vote for Obama simply because it will "make history." And yet with the pick of Sarah Palin, they still get to make history, but with someone they're more comfortable with. After all, there are more women out there than blacks.

My latest online pal, Buggs Bunny's Evil Twin, also invoked every wingnut's favorite demented corpse:
What Gov. Palin brings is a conservative future for the Republican party. Not a grumpy one but a lot like another Republican maverick-Ronald Reagan.

And finally, this institutionalized individual used the occasion to develop a new euphemism for masturbating:
Palin is the shot in the arm that the country and the party needed. Her speech with McCain yesterday had me clapping to myself as I listened to the radio.

Yup, he's voting for Sarah Palin allright - in his pants.

Bonus - The wingnut mouthpieces were against Miss Alaska before they were for her...

Hanks to Clarknt67 at the Great Orange Satan
All hail, Dark Lord Kos!

Double Bonus!!11!
Gov. Palin's 17 yr old daughter is five months pregnant. McCain knew and it didn't change his decision. McCain just isn't afraid of anything politically or otherwise, is he? Any other politician would have run in the other direction.

Of course McP.O.W. knew all about this, since his choice was so carefully vetted.

This also proves that abstinence-only sex "education" works, dammit.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Rightwingsparkle - "I will NEVER go back."

She's not a racist. Here's all the proof you need.

Well, that other political party may be nominating a ni--, um, I mean, a person of the negro persuasion, as their candidate for president. But Rightwingsparkle (looking a little pudgy in the midsection) is doing her part to promote racial harmony by interviewing some black guy in a bowtie for a two-bit magazine that won't be publishing six months from now.

Bonus: The black guy's gonna be John McCain's Twin Cities opener.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Shorter John McCain - "Shut the Fuck Up!"*

Yeah, it's a tedious Senate hearing with just 2 of its members in attendance (one of whom is that certified nutjob from New Hampshire, Robert Smith).

But it's a perfect example of John Sidney McCain III's short fuse in action.

What an asshole.

* ‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dirty Fucking Hippie YouTube Monday

This one goes out to all of my wingnut "friends" everywhere (you know who you are).

I've always had a thing for Grace Slick...

And yeah, that's Woodstock, baby!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Meet Stupid Fat Fuck

I recently spent a little time at this chickenshit wingnut's blog, having come across a few of his comments over at Sparkie's. But you won't find any of my comments there (well, there's one still remaining, at least for now), because the chickenshit wingnut did what all chickenshit wingnuts do when challenged: he just deleted the comments that challenged him.

I've never deleted wingnut comments here at my shitty little blog, even the most whiney and incoherent ones. Why bother? A wingnut's inane comments are the best evidence of their...inanity.

But wingnuts who run their own shitty little blogs aren't up for that. As Robert Altemeyer has repeatedly demonstrated in his studies of rightwing authoritarian followers, wingnuts can't even acknowledge points of view that are different from their own, or that challenge those views in any way. That's because a wingnut, like Stupid Fat Fuck, who even considers the possibility of different points of view risks cracking the protective shell of denial that he's built around himself.

Protecting that shell, and ignoring the chance that his views and opinions - or the views, opinions, and dictates of the rightwing authoritarian leaders that are central to his worldview and ultimate existence - may not be entirely correct, is wingnut priority number one.

For a wingnut like Stupid Fat Fuck, the possibility of being wrong is the ultimate threat to his tenuous mental health, and to his view of himself. The thought of being wrong about one thing raises the frightening possibility that he may be wrong about other things, or even about everything. That's just too much for him to bear.

A mentally healthy individual engages in honest self-reflection, and acknowledges that his or her views may be partially, or even entirely, wrong. While a wingnut can never admit a mistake, and will go to great extremes to rationalize even the most egregious contradiction ("Oceania is at war with Eastasia. Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia"), a mentally healthy individual understands that he or she will make mistakes, and seeks to learn from those mistakes and adjust their thoughts and actions accordingly.

Stupid Fat Fuck is, in many ways, a garden variety wingnut. He demonizes and dehumanizes people he perceives as weak or different; he fetishizes symbols of nationalism and militarism (though like his fellow cultists he's never been near a military recruitment center); and he cleaves the world into two distinct groups of people - those he considers "us," and those he considers "them." He "thinks right - never wrong, never left." There's no room for shades of grey in Stupid Fat Fuck's swollen head.

In addition to about 40 extra pounds of midbody fat, and the kind of chronically-chaffed groin that comes with thighs that are larger than God intended, Stupid Fat Fuck carries with him a particularly troubling load of cognitive dissonance. While he presents himself as a registered nurse, a member of the profession that is consistently rated highest by the public with regard to trust and ethical behavior, and claims that he works "in an inner city emergency department," he spouts the kind of eliminationist rhetoric that is completely at odds with the code of ethics that he's supposed to follow.

Stupid Fat Fuck considers an individual's lack of insurance a crime.

But Stupid Fat Fuck doesn't consider this lack of insurance a crime in the sense that we are collectively at fault for failing to care for our most vulnerable. Rather, Stupid Fat Fuck considers the individuals without insurance themselves to be criminals.

Finally, we have this little gem, “immigrants who have no criminal history”. These are people who, by the simple act of being here, have a criminal history. Are they talking about criminal history other than crossing the border illegally, working without paying taxes, sending their children to school without paying for it, clogging up our Emergency Rooms without insurance. Other than this they are just like all other law abiding citizens.

And since we can show who and what we are not only by what we say, but by what we don't say and by what we allow others to say and go unchallenged, perhaps Stupid Fat Fuck's worldview can best be expressed by the unchallenged, and undeleted, comment of one of his cohorts who calls himself, without a trace of irony, debonair dude- "lock em up or shoot them.. either is fine with me." - August 6, 2008 12:59 PM

Florence Nightingale might shit a brick if she heard that, but she would most definitely lay in with a couple of well-placed dope slaps.

Not that it would help.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Is Rightwingsparkle's Daughter Fucking a Black Guy?

It just isn't my business what these kids do.

I'll start with a multipart answer to the question:

- I don't know;
- I don't care;
- It's not my business.

College-aged kids generally qualify as 'consenting adults,' and kids who are away from home for such extended periods, many for the first time, often experiment with a variety of behaviors - some of which their parents' would most definitely disapprove, if they knew - as they develop and expand their social networks. It's all part of their key developmental task - to each establish a sense of independent identity, to each become an individual separate and distinct from their parents.

So, if Rightwingsparkle's daughter is fucking a black guy, and I'm not saying that she is or she isn't, as well as saying that I don't know, don't care, and that it's not my business anyway; but if Rightwingsparkle's daughter is fucking (or did fuck, even once) a black guy, it shouldn't be a surprise.

You could consider it normal.

As for me, I don't know, I don't care, and it's not my business.

Similarly, if Rightwingsparkle's daughter is fucking a black guy, the fact that he's black should not be a source of concern to anybody. That's because it's really nobody's business, just as it would be nobody's business if Rightwingsparkle's daughter was fucking an Asian guy; an Asian girl; three black girls; two Latinas and a black guy; or three black guys, two Latinas, an Asian hemaphrodite, a white guy, a white girl, and a goat. Individually, or at the same time.

Now, you may ask why I'm even bringning any of this up. Why would I even ask if Rightwingsparkle's daughter is fucking a black guy?

I guess this post has been prompted by Rightwingsparkle's own interest in the public discussion of other peoples' sexual matters: This is all juicy and we all can't help but be interested in it.

And I had to stop for a moment when Rightwingsparkle said: It's always fun to pile on a cheater. So let's go.

I wondered if she'd also like to "pile on" someone who had, or who may have had, premarital sex; or if the idea of inter-racial sex, or for that matter any form of sex outside of a heterosexual marriage, whose sole purpose was procreation, "is all juicy and (I - Rightwingsparkle) can't help but be interested in it."

Who knows? Maybe Rightwingsparkle will come (no pun intended) by and comment herself, just to set the record straight (no pun intended).

You may also be wondering, "How does Rightwingsnarkle even know about Rightwingsparkle's daughter, and whether or not she might be fucking a black guy?"

I only know because Rightwingsparkle made a public announcement, and because Rightwingsparkle's daughter, and the black guy that she may be fucking, or may have fucked once or more times but isn't currently fucking, or may never have fucked, have also made several public online announcements. Their announcements even feature their real names, which I haven't posted here in the interest of maintaining some degree of privacy.

So, the question remains: Is Rightwingsparkle's daughter fucking a black guy?

I've already said that I don't know, I don't care, and it's not my business.

You'll have to decide yourself. That is, if you even care.

One more thing - before any of you get all up in my face about how you think I'm a sexist pig and all of that, I could just have easily asked "Is a black guy fucking Rightwingsparkle's daughter?" and it wouldn't change the story one bit.

That is, if I knew, or cared. But it's really none of my business.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Cindy McCain Finds Her Way Home

"Well, John just left me with those bikers."

The ever-gentlemanly John Sidney McCain III recently offered up his wife (not his first wife, but the brain-damaged, drug-addicted beer heiress who's 18 years younger than he is, and who committed adultery with him) as a contestant in a beauty/banana skills contest at the annual week-long motorcycle rally in Sturgis, South Dakota.

Reading from a set of index cards prepared by one of his brighter staffers, McCain also said Cindy would be available to "do" five guys at a time out in the back of his mobile campaign headquarters, the Straight Talk Express.

"I'm gonna be there with a video camera, but the tapes are strictly for my personal use," McCain told the crowd.

Bonus - Women for John McCain

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Three's Company

"Get thee behind me, Satan."

Well, it looks like Tony Snow and Jesse Helms won't have to wait too long for a roommate to fill up their new three-bedroom walk-up (heat included), since Robert Novak's brain is full of malignant cells.

What a surprise. I thought it was pus.